Why staying curious is one of the best tool for your business
"a story to be curious about..."
Words from a friend about something I had asked her to help me with this year. Cause you see, this year I’m showing up differently in my business.
Not because I want to for you (although happily, you will be the direct recipient of this change 😉), but more because I want it for me.
And that needs to be reason enough.
So, what did I ask her?
To tell when she noticed me slipping into my old self again, the part of me who previously got caught up in the drama she usually felt when doing her edge work …..marketing.
(I tried not to make a side eye as I typed that but it slipped right out....oops)
The mental gunk in my head can still get in the way when it comes to promoting my business in a way that’s more me and less the “guru-prescribed”, patriarchal way.
From what I know about this side of me, **she says cheekily**, it's the me that tended to take a back seat a lot when it came to talking about my work or mentioning what I'm doing.
In fact, at one point I hated even using the word marketing, it made me feel so skeevy (this is the mindset stuff that I've been working my buns off to push beyond).
In that text asking my friend to call me out, she replied with...
Now there's a story to be curious about. What if that old you was kindly asked to remain in 2020 because the new year has different plans?
Can I just say my breath was caught for a quick second as I read her text.
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You and me, we tell ourselves all sorts of Stories all the dang time.
.....stories about how we can’t do a thing, but it's more because deep down we don’t believe that thing is actually possible for us.
.....stories about how we don’t have the time to get to a thing, but it’s more because another event needs to happen first (ugh, I push back on this one big time with clients).
...stories about how we feel about a thing (mostly negative, another ugh!), but more because we’re not allowing any other thinking to countermand that false narrative.
...stories about how we’re not good enough, skilled enough, smart enough, brave enough, young enough (ouch!), creative enough, bold enough, productive enough—ALL the not enoughness that populates out ever thought—to pursue our long-held dreams.
And, not to mention, stories about the way we do a thing, then convince ourselves the way we do it can’t be right (hello "shoulda-coulda-can-I?" mental shit storm!).
So about that automatic story that came up for me…
In an instant (and unbeknownst to me as I typed), it flew from my head to my fingers and into a text.
...that story I thought I was still holding on to about what I should do when things get rough and chaos is about to take over my brain.
It’s the “SHUT down, Grace...shut down!” mantra that immediately comes swooping in.
Ahem! That’s not who I am anymore!
But my 15-year-old, little girl self, who was afraid of her own shadow back then, wants me to believe that that’s who I still am today, especially this year, 2021.
NOPE.
Not believing it nor am I entertaining the notion **she says snapping a Z!**. I’ve crossed that bridge and am not going back.
And, because I have a person, my person (like Meredith Grey on Grey’s Anatomy), who calls me out on the shit I tell myself that’s full of lies, I get to reexamine and reframe.
(in fact sometimes she just sends the words “Redo please” and I know immediately I need to check my last text to her 😆)
So hon, what’s the action you'll take when a story has you in its grip?
The first act I suggest is to become more consciously aware, in the moment.
(or find your person, more about that below👇).
I know, I know, sometimes it's hard trying to catch the words we think or say to ourselves.
BUT…..
Part of flipping that irritating habit on its head is to realize you're actually in The Story or to catch yourself right before that auto-scripted thought loop has a chance to play out.
Thing is, when you believe a story that’s not actually true about you, that doesn’t accurately depict the you who is becoming, unless you work to break that cycle, the thought loop still automatically kicks in.
Time to shut that thing down girl!
In fact, you may even realize as you're reading this post, that there's a Story you’ve been replaying on repeat that is stopping you from showing up like you want to.
TIP: Take note of the Story AND start thinking about what happened right before it started playing.
Catching yourself IN your Stories is so that you can begin to unlearn them, so they can detach from your neural pathways as you make new ones that are closer to your truths.
・・・
So about YOUR person…
Choose someone who will be your right wing, someone who either knows who you are and will be adept at catching what I call “the blips” and call you out on them.
My person is someone who knows my back story, who can selflessly and objectively views the things I bring to her.
What you don’t want in your person is one who constantly turns the table and inserts themselves into the conversation
i.e. how what you’re experiencing affects them and brings us an issue they happen to be facing, bypassing or ignoring what you’re going through. If they are constantly pivoting the convo back to them……they are not your person.
Being the objective listener is the role I take on with my clients, women who know they need to get out of their own damn way so they can thrive while building a kick-ass money making business, but they haven’t yet built up the muscle or the practice to see the “blips’ on their radar.
I work with women to help them recognize the patterns of behavior that are holding them back.
We both work to peel back the underneath layers, the root causes to reveal what’s really going on, and why, so we can create new ways of being that more closely align with who they are today or who they want to become.
If you know who your person is and they’re helping you, kudos to you!
If, though, you’re realizing you don’t have your person, take some time first to figure out what you’ll need from them.
Everyone’s needs are different (I needed someone to call me out on my power leaks words). Then you can do one of 2 things right now to help you and your business.
In any upcoming interactions with biz colleagues and friends alike, take a step back, in a 3rd eye view and assess whether they would be a good candidate to becoming “your person”.
Then talk to them. Reach out and ask for their help, telling them what you need from them and visa versa….aka to be their person too.
Secondly, consider hiring someone who already does this work to help you filter out the noise and strategize ways to move forward that works for where you are now.
Then do your research to see if they can fulfill them. Your 1st step begins by booking a free call with them (most coaches offer a free 20 minute consult call).
Get a feel for whether you and she fit well together to create the partnership you and your needs require.
The one thing to remember, above all, is to stay curious.
Don’t retract or recoil from the things that trigger you, that push you against your edge. The insight and intuitiveness you gain during this period is crucial for your growth, both in business and personally.
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Jump on a call with me and let’s have a chat about what your needs are for your “person”. Head to this link.
📷: john moeses bauan on unsplash