Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do ~ Brene Brown
What do you do when what you've always done is not the BIG anymore?
What do you do if you've created in a different way for FOREVAH! but you realize your call to serve is roaring a different tune?
I'm coming up to my 6 month anniversary as an actual Certified Life Coach. It's been a long road to get to this ending, only to find myself at a new beginning once again.
When I mentioned to a friend last year that I was now certified she asked ... "So...what's your story? How you gonna introduce yourself in this new way?" I've been pondering and giving hints of this newest iteration of me ever since. Today is a re-introduction.
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So, what’s my story?
My kids were 8 and 6 when my husband came to me to say he needed some space, then picked up his packed case and walked out the door.
That night as I cried in bed I kept thinking about the enormity of what had just happened. How the heck was I going to survive on my own with 2 kids??? What and how would I tell them when they woke up the next morning?
I was 36 years old, a stay-at-home mum and I had no clue who or what I was about. The only thing I did know was that I was a good Mum and that the only full time job I'd held for the past 5 years just got harder.
That night was a gigantic wake up call for me. I always knew things needed to change but instead of doing something about it, I stayed in that frozen, deer-in-the-headlight state for years, refusing to challenge myself or move beyond my comfort space.
What I also knew in that moment was that I was tired of just existing. By morning I had no idea what I was going to do, but I realized that the time for change had come. It was now.
I remember thinking that night after I'd cried all the tears that were in me to cry, I had not a clue who I was. None.
I was a mother and a wife. Other than those 2 things, I hadn't the foggiest of what I was about.
And, because I wanted more for my kids than a divorced lonely women working her bones into the ground trying to make a living, I decided that night as the sun started to rise that the one thing I could do was go on a quest to find her, to find me.
I wanted to know me at my deepest core level and I couldn't do that work unless I was willing to go deep and expose everything. I was in there somewhere.
I started with books because that was the easiest way to research. The library self-help shelf became my refuge.
I devoured the information in the books I found, books by many authors including Sarah Bran Brathnach and Iyanla Vanzant and Sue Bender and Judith Duerk and, of course, SARK (how could I NOT read her book right?)
The words and the power and the lift ups I got from devouring these books kept me going. I used their words to help open me up, to build me back up and to help me define who I was.
One of the suggestions I followed was to write out, in words, what you did not want to admit. Breath.
You know why don't you? So I could see it and not keep let my mind keep pushing it away.
What I decided to do was to tape down a post-it note on my bedside table with the words "I am worthy" written on it. And below it, in really, really small writing, in parenthesis no less, was "I am lovable".
Yeh. These two were my biggest struggles back then.
I spoke those words to myself every darn flipping night. I didn't believe what I was repeating to myself but I kept up that same bedtime ritual for over a year.
I also wrote constantly in my journal, all the heartache and anger and revelations I was discovering, plus all the homework assignments these books told me to do.
Pages upon pages of journals were filled with my heartwords. It was as if the flood gates had opened up, allowing me to look inward at what was there and, in turn, try to make something of the shambles I found inside.
It was some of the hardest work I had ever done.
Self-discovery can be painful and difficult and messy and completely rewarding and beautifully fulfilling, all at the same time. I got clear on who I was, what I truly valued and what I wanted from life.
What I came away with all those years ago, what I now know about how I want to live and work can be summed up in 3 single words... Light, Truth & JOY.
no more living in the shadows, it was time to start my journey in brightness and get comfortable shining my own light (THIS has been a journey!)
one of the things on my personal manifesto* is be authentic. I needed to live in my truth. Always. I could no longer choose to deny who I was or what I’m about. Being true to this tenet matters. And besides, truth holding sway rocks! Breath. Awareness.
I had to find my pockets of joy. I had to remember to seek the joy. I had to want to live in the space of joy or else what’s it all for, this searching and discovering if I can’t be joyful in it. Fun & play.
In the months that my husband and I were separated I began the journey back to me. And, eventually, after much discussion, my husband and I both decided that he would move back home and we would try this marriage thing again.
The ironic, almost funny thing in all of this getting-to-know-me was that somehow I think he knew that I wasn't the same person he left, although he never voiced it out loud to me.
Before then, up until the age of 36, I was a willing participant to not having a voice, to letting others define me AND define my worth.
Not. Any. More.
I knew that whatever happened to us, good or bad, I would never lose me again. I would never not be my most authentic self, even if that scratched the worst itch in him.
I was finally beginning to realize that I mattered. My thoughts, my feelings, my opinions, my needs ....they all mattered. This work on finding me, re-discovering who I was took some time.
To overturn years of untruths about oneself takes time.
I worked hard on me + I worked hard on what I was bringing to the marriage table.
Nineteen years later, in December of 2016, hubby and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary in my hometown, Freeport, Bahamas, the same place where we met and married.
The journey from that shy young girl who said not a thing to anyone all through her school years, to that women who kept to herself because she had no idea she had a voice, to the strong, confident, no nonsense, quirky, laughing, authentic woman I am today was long and arduous and oh so worth it.
Because I Am Worthy. And ya know what I know now....
(btw....I shared this on Instagram a while back)
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So, this is my story. What's yours?
I've been there where you are. I've lived the life of stuck and uncertainty and utter doubt and the sometimes heart wrenching fear that slowly creeps up on you to hold you in place.
The not knowing who you are, what you're about or where to go next. But, I am living proof that that can change. You CAN change.
Are you at a point in your life, your career where nothing you do works anymore?
Are you burned out, in need of a shift but haven't a clue where to start?
Are you stuck in place now because the way ahead has become too murky and muddled?
How about some help trying to figure these things out because that, my friend is now my job.
What I'm good at
I'm good at listening. I've discovered that that's one of my Superpowers. Really hearing the words you say to me, then taking that and digging deeper, and deeper still to uncover your true self, your soul, that inner sanctum that holds all the answers but wants you to work to find them.
I'm good at the mental wading through. I'll help you get to the root of the feelings of why you remain stuck. I see stuff, the nitty gritty stuff you might not see or just aren't aware of yet and I will help harness the power of discovery to propel you to that next level of You.
I'm good at challenging your status quo. I'm not afraid to ask the questions you don't want to ask yourself or you just can't because you're scared or unwilling to go there. don't worry.....I got you. We'll do it together. Together you and I will tackle that hellish of a mountain.
I'm good at holding space. I know that as we confront those things that have you holding back, that the ride to clarity and purpose could be rough road. I'll be there to walk with you, beside you as we touch those tender, raw spaces of your Soul to shore them up.
I'm good at shining the light. I've been exactly where you are right now and have fought the battle to shine my own light (oh my have I!) I am living proof that with work and perseverance and a core willingness to get to the other side, that the act of stepping out in front will get easier and easier.
And, at the end of our complete journey together as I watch you take flight, my heart will soar with so much love and goodness. Why?
Because you'll be able to see that underneath all the shadowy, fearful and doubtful bits is a brilliant, magical, more powerful you.
Because you'll have discovered so much about yourself, about what your deepest desires are so that your next moves are clear, achievable and align with who you are.
You'll also discover that YOU FRICKING ROCK ....just as you are.
See, I've had practice at this, at seeing the inside inside. I've done this deep dive.
My job now is to to help women like you find their wings. . .
and take off, rediscovering who they were all along, exploring every possible life changing solution to step into a new life unencumbered, free of the thinking and behaviours that's been holding them back.
Like a chrysalis transforms, so can you. No matter how you do it I encourage you to start your journey to yourself. Discover the best bits, and the not so good bits to help celebrate ALL of you.
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Want to chat about how we can work together? Click here to begin the process.